Honest Illusions
by wibblywobblywesteros
Summary: AU. Sansa and Jaime pairing. Another sappy happy tale from my collection. One shot.


Brienne was wrong. Jaime knew she had to be wrong. He couldn't just take Sansa away from Tyrion. Where would he even take her. Catlyn Stark was dead. Winterfell was in the hands of the Boultons. There was nothing more he could do for Sansa. Not now. He'd been too late for that.

Jaime made his way back to his rooms after his talk with Brienne, leaving Sansa alone praying in the godswood. She had looked sad. Tyrion hardly spoke of her and though he imagined that his brother probably did the best he could to be kind to her, Sansa had plenty of reasons to be sad. But why should any of that matter to him? He hadn't promised Lady Stark that her daughters would be happy. He had promised to bring them home safely. But if he couldn't do that, didn't he at least have some responsibility to see to the safety of the one Stark daughter he could locate? Grudgingly, he supposed that he did.

He wrestled with these thoughts and what to do about them for the greater part of the day. Even sparring with Bronn did very little to take his mind off of the problem. It wasn't until late afternoon that he sought out Sansa Stark. He found her in Tyrion's rooms, sewing. The servants let him in without question. A dark haired maid sat in the room with Sansa. They both glanced up as he entered, then stood.

"Lady Sansa, might I have a word with you?" He asked.

She seemed surprised to find him there but quickly hid it. "Of course Ser." Sansa looked over at her maid who was glaring at him for some reason. "Shae!" She scolded her in a whisper. Shae left them reluctantly.

He crossed the room to where she stood. "Perhaps we should sit." He suggested. Anything to make this less awkward than it already was. They both sat across from each other. "I thought that you might like to know what your mother told me when I last spoke to her."

She seemed taken aback by that. "Yes, I would like to know it Ser."

"I was not kind to her. I had been chained up in a cage for many months by then. But she managed to remained dignified in spite of my insults. She set set me free and made me vow that I would return her daughters safely to her in exchange for my freedom. She said she would do _anything _for her children….I thought you should know...you were not abandoned here...she tried to find a way to bring you home…" Jaime told her sadly.

Sansa's eyes welled up with tears and her hands were shaking but she didn't cry or make a sound. "I thank you Ser, for telling me." She said when she finally found her voice.

"That's not the only reason I came here. I vowed to her that I would bring you safely home to her. It's impossible for me to keep most of that promise now. But I will do what I can to see to your safety." He told her.

"That is very kind of you Ser," Sansa told him, slightly perplexed. "But it hardly seems fair to hold you to that vow as my mother is no longer living."

He knew that she was trying to politely refuse his help. He wasn't willing to let this go so easily. "Of course it's fair. You're still living and you're not exactly safe here within arms length of my sister and all the Lannisters."

She raised an eyebrow, surprised that he was speaking so frankly. She didn't dare say a word to agree with him though. It might just be a trap. "Your sister has done nothing to harm me...not truly...and Tyrion has been most kind."

"Has Joffrey been kind?" He asked pointedly.

Her skin blanched white but she answered him not a word. That in itself was answer enough.

"Of course he hasn't, he ordered your father executed." Jaime said. "What else has he done while I was away?"

"I'm sure that the king's commands are all a matter of public record in the books of the court." She said evasively.

"I'm not interested in pouring over the books of the court for hours on end when you can just tell me. What were his commands regarding you?" Jaime asked.

Sansa took a breath. "All of them?"

"All of them." He nodded.

"After my father was executed His Grace ordered me to go with him up to the battlements to look at the heads on spikes, to look at my father's rotting head...and he told me he would bring me my brother's head as a wedding gift. I told him that maybe my brother would bring Joffrey's head instead...so he ordered his guards to strike."

It angered Jaime to hear that Joffrey had behaved in such a manner but it didn't really surprise him. "That can't have been all? What else has he done?"

"He ordered his guards to strike me whenever I said something that displeased him. After a while, I tried to always say what I thought he would want to hear but it seems like I was always carrying bruises during my first year here. Perhaps the Queen Regent is correct about me. Perhaps I'm just too stupid to get it right." She said, eyes downcast.

Jaime remembered that Cercei had called Sansa stupid in his presence before so he knew that she was being truthful about his sister's words. He doubted that she was stupid. She couldn't have survived for so long if she were. "What happened after the first year?"

"You were captured by my brother Ser and the king ordered that I was to be punished for it. He… he had me stripped naked before the entire court and beaten with the flat of a sword...I still bear the scars from that day…" She said, daring to meet his eyes for just a moment. "Tyrion stopped the beating and the king has not commanded one since then."

"So Joffrey has been kind to you since then?" Jaime asked, already knowing the answer.

"I didn't say that, Ser. He has not been kind but as the king he has no need to be kind, especially not to the daughter of a traitor." Sansa said.

"It seems clear to me that you are not safe here. I will do what I can to change that. Until then, if I can help you with anything at all, feel free to ask me for it." Jaime said preparing to take his leave.

"Thank you Ser." Sansa said, but her tone was perplexed.

It was some weeks later before Jaime spoke to Sansa again. She was in a prison cell with Tyrion. Both were accused of regicide at the wedding of their king. He had just spoken to Tywin and had to bring his father's message to the pair of them. He didn't like this. Not at all.

Sansa was curled up hugging her knees in one corner of the cell. Tyrion sat sprawled out in the other corner, his back against the wall. They barely glanced at him when he unlocked and entered the cell.

"I have news." He said after a moment of silence.

"Bad news I'm sure." Tyrion said.

"I suppose that depends on your perspective." Jaime replied. "I just spoke to father. He wants to offer a compromise."

"I can't imagine that any compromise our father offers would actually qualify as a compromise. It would be more of a 'do this and live, if you don't do it you'll still die' sort of transaction. Am I right?" Tyrion asked.

Jaime could only shrug and nod.

"Alright. Let's have it." Tyrion said. "Am I to be sold into slavery? Sent to the wall? What will it be?"

Jaime sighed. He didn't want to do this. "Banished to Essos. And your marriage will be annulled. Sansa will stay in Westeros and I am to be dismissed from the kingsguard to marry her."

Tyrion was silent with the shock of this news. Sansa said nothing as well but Jaime couldn't miss the worried expression on her face.

"If we don't agree to this we'll be executed?" Tyrion finally said.

Jaime nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry."

"Well Essos is better than death." Tyrion said. "Though I couldn't say if Sansa prefers death to marriage or not."

They both looked over at Sansa. She swallowed. "I prefer to live." She said, shaken.

"I will go inform father then." Jaime said, leaving them alone again.

The wedding was a quiet affair with very few guests and a meal that hardly constituted a feast. There were a few dances. There was no bedding ceremony. There weren't enough guests for a proper bedding anyhow and Jaime didn't want one any more than Sansa did.

She seemed calm and composed when he shut the door behind them in their bedchambers but her trembling hand when she poured herself a cup of wine gave away her anxiety. She drank a second cup before going over to the bed and began removing her clothes, her back to him.

Jaime watched in awe until she was down to her shift. She was pretty, beautiful really, and if she wasn't so afraid he wouldn't hesitate to take her. Her composure began to fade. Her hands were shaking. "Wait…" He said gently. "You don't have to do this Sansa."

She turned slightly towards him. "Maybe it's best to just have it done with."

"No, I'd rather you wanted this than have you merely tolerate it." He told her.

"I never said…" She began to say something then stopped.

He approached her and took one of her trembling hands in his. "You're shaking Sansa. I won't force you into anything. You don't have to pretend you want this."

"It's not like that." She said quietly. "I am little afraid of what's to come but I am also curious."

He noticed for the first time the way she was looking at him. She was a maiden who had never been with a man before but she was looking at him as if she _wanted _him. That almost didn't make any sense given the circumstances.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. I won't hurt you." He closed the distance between them and kissed her. She seemed willing enough to be kissed and he felt her arms come around him. He put his arms around her and pulled her body close to his. He could feel her heart racing against his chest. She was hugging him more firmly, pressing her body even more against his. He pulled away from her breaking off the kiss and her heard her gasp of protest.

Jaime removed his shirt and reached for the hem of her shift. She allowed him to remove that as well, leaving her in only her smallclothes. Her cheeks were flushed but she didn't avert her eyes from his gaze. "Come to bed?" He asked.

She nodded. They removed the last of their clothes before crawling under the covers. Jaime was gentle with her as he had promised. He spent a long time kissing her, her lips, her neck, her breasts and running his hand over her body. She was timid as amy maiden might be, but she was also relaxed at his touch, as if she enjoyed it.

She didn't cry out when he entered her. She stiffened her body though and her breathing quickened. Jaime went still until she caught her breath and her body relaxed again. He moved slowly out of her then back in again. She moaned as he began thrusting into her and he silenced her with another kiss. Sansa moved with him, moaned with him, until they were both lost in bliss. Her walls closed around him sooner than he expected. His own climax came just after that.

He pulled her into his arms to sleep after that and she didn't object.

They awoke a tangle of limbs the next morning. The room was bright with sunlight and it was a little awkward to awaken unclothed when they knew each other so little. Sansa pulled the sheets a little higher to cover herself. Jaime reached over and touched her cheek. She blushed.

He hadn't wanted to marry her. He hadn't wanted her to be executed either but at first he had only agreed to the marriage for Tyrion's sake. Her courage throughout the trial had surprised him. His father hadn't made his _compromise _until near the end of the proceedings. She had sat there stoically in the face of certain death while the people of the city spouted lies about her and she never once let them see her weep. Jaime knew she did weep afterwards. He had seen her red eyes when he visited Tyrion. She had courage much like her mother did. Jaime hadn't expected her to be so willing to be bedded or to enjoy it either. He wasn't even sure how that had happened. She was somewhat of a mystery to him.

Tentatively Sansa reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. She inched a little closer to him and he took the hint and pulled her into his arms. She sighed and relaxed at the closeness. Jaime was perplexed by her behavior. Granted, he did like having her near him. He probably liked it as much as she seemed to be enjoying it. But clearly he had little to fear from her. She was pretty and she was young, perhaps a little too young, but still a beautiful young woman, intelligent, courteous, and heir to a powerful house. He had every reason to want her. However she should probably hate him or fear him given all that the Lannisters had done to her family. Why didn't she? He thought about asking her, then he felt her gentle kisses on his neck

"Again?" He asked her with a grin.

She responded with a blush, then continued to kiss him. After they had made love, they dressed and went into the solar for breakfast. The servants had already laid out the food for them.

"We'll be leaving for Casterly Rock in a few days." Jaime told her. "I think you'll like it there. There's a good view of the sunset sea from many of the rooms."

"I have never seen the sunset sea. I'm sure it's lovely." Sansa said courteously.

"I'm sorry it isn't Winterfell." He said quite honestly. "I imagine you'd much rather go north than west."

She swallowed, unsure of what to say. She was not used to speaking so frankly about her wishes. "I...I heard that Winterfell was burned. It wouldn't be the same even if I could go back there."

"It's being rebuilt by the Boltons." Jaime said.

Sansa blanched white at the mention of the Boltons.

"Sorry, I don't suppose you wanted to hear about them." Jaime said apologetically.

"There's no need to apologize, Ser." She said, picking at the food on her plate.

"Sansa…" He sighed. "I know you must hate the Boltons. After what they did to your brother and mother… there's no need to pretend to be loyal anymore. I want you to feel free to speak your mind. No one will harm you here."

She looked at him questioningly for a moment. "You're right, I do hate the Boltons. They have no right to be in my father's home. There should always be a Stark in Winterfell." She stated calmly.

Jaime smiled. "See? That wasn't so hard."

She allowed herself a small smile and resumed eating breakfast.

"Now that we're speaking plainly, tell me, what do you think of house Greyjoy?" He asked her.

"Turncloak." She said. "They are all turncloaks. Not just Theon, but his father before him in their rebellion."

"And what of House Tyrell?" He went on.

Sansa thought for a moment. "I don't know. Clearly they are interested in power and powerful alliances... I don't know enough about them to think anything just yet."

They went through several houses all of which he managed to get her opinion on.

"What about House Lannister?"

Sansa stopped eating and gazed across the table at him. "I don't know…" She said quietly.

"I think you do know." Jaime said sadly. "You have definite opinions about many of the great houses in Westeros. And you have every right to dislike the ones that have harmed your family. I can't be expected to believe that you have no opinion at all on House Lannister."

"I am part of house Lannister now. I am trying to modify my opinion of House Lannister." Sansa said guardedly.

"I suppose that's a good place to start." Jaime said.

"You must dislike House Stark? I heard my brother had you in a cage in chains for the better part of a year… "

"It's true, he did." Jaime said, realizing he didn't want to talk about it.

"I am sorry he did that." She said sadly.

"Why?"

"You didn't kill our father. Joffrey did that. Keeping you in chains did nothing to bring him back and if he _had _to keep you prisoner, he could have treated you better."

"It sounds as if you're speaking from experience as a fellow prisoner." He said.

She nodded. "I suppose I am. Though I suppose you had the worst of it."

"Sansa, I must know, why do you not hate me? Why did you even allow me to touch last night and again this morning?"

"Why do _you_ not hate me?" She responded.

"I have no reason to. You are not your brother or your mother. I know you would be loyal to your family given the chance but you have given me no cause to hate you, not yet anyway." He said with a grin. "So will you tell me now, why you aren't at least complaining about a marriage to another Lannister?"

"Tyrion told me you would be good to me." She said with a sigh. "He is one of the few people who has been kind to me since my father died. He stopped Joffrey's beatings and he let me have my own room after the wedding… when he told me that you would be good to me I believed him or...at least I wanted to believe him."

"So Tyrion tells you, 'Jaime will be good to you' and it results in you throwing yourself into my arms?" He teased.

"I didn't… it wasn't…" She was flustered. "It wasn't as simple as that. Tyrion said, "I know my brother well enough to know that he will be good to you. He will treat you with kindness and he will keep you safe. He may not spare you the bedding but he will be gentle with you. You have nothing to fear from him'...I believed he meant what he said and...I discovered that I _wanted _to go through with the bedding…"

"I take it you don't regret that? Not after this morning." He said, referring to the way she had initiated kissing him when they woke up.

She blushed again. "I liked dancing with you at the wedding. I hadn't had so much as a hug from anyone since my father died. You had promised to protect me when we spoke long before the trial… and Tyrion had promised me that you wouldn't harm me... and even though I never fully trust people's promises anymore... it was nice to be close to someone for a little while and imagine that I was safe...and that someone actually cared what happens to me… so no I don't regret any of it… it made it easier to keep my illusions."

"Sansa, it wasn't an illusion. I do care about what happens to you."

She bit her lip but couldn't stop the tears from spilling out. "Please don't…" She whispered. "Don't try to make it real…"

"It's the truth. You prefer your illusions to the truth?"

"The truth is always terrible or boring."

As much as he hated to admit it, Jaime found that Sansa's words that morning stung more deeply than he would have liked. He didn't think himself in love with her but he had been truthful when he told her he cared about what happened to her. He understood that it was probably very difficult for her to believe that. He probably wouldn't have believed her if she claimed to care for him either. Yet the words stung all the same, _it made it easier to keep my illusions. _He had hoped that she had wanted him and not just the experience of being with someone. Maybe he hadn't exactly hoped… but it would have been nice...

Jaime headed to the practice yard just after breakfast. He needed a distraction from his dark thoughts. Bronn was no help at all. Trying to make his left hand work with a sword was only serving to make him angry and frustrated. He left the practice yard and went back to his chambers with a plan to find a little wine to drink.

Sansa was reading a book of songs on the divan and barely looked up when he entered the room. Irritated, he poured himself a glass of wine and joined her on the divan, stretching out putting one arm behind her just to see what she would do. She kept her eyes on the page of her book but he didn't miss her sharp intake of breath or the flush of her cheeks when his arm brushed across her back. She _was _attracted to him, that much was clear. Or maybe it was some other emotion that made her react like that. Fear? He couldn't be sure. He removed his arm from behind her back and she only seemed to grow more anxious. He watched her for a moment to see what she would do.

"What are you doing, Ser?" She finally asked.

"You know you are quite beautiful?" He said, as if he had been sitting there only to gaze at her.

"I..I thank you Ser. You are too kind." There was a blush on her cheeks again, her hands seemed unable to hold her book still. She closed it and placed it the table next to them and folded her hands in her lap.

"I think my compliment has made you uncomfortable." He said. She didn't deny it so he went on. "Why?"

"I suppose I am unaccustomed to such kindnesses." She said.

"You shouldn't be. You should be showered in compliments and kindness so often that you become spoiled and arrogant from all the attention."

She raised an eyebrow. "I think that would be a bit excessive Ser."

"I don't. Perhaps if people say enough kind things you'll actually believe that they mean them." He said gently.

She swallowed. "About that… I am sorry for my words earlier. If you say that you care about what happens to me, I will try to believe that."

"Thank you." He said, somewhat relieved. "I know this isn't going to be easy for either one of us. There has been too much history and bloodshed between Starks and Lannisters. It's going to be very difficult to escape all that it but I'd rather we tried to care for each other than to spend our lives miserable and hating each other."

"Do you think it's even possible?" She asked quietly.

"That we care for each other? Yes, I think it is. At least enough so that we aren't miserable anyhow."

She nodded. "That seems reasonable."

"Good." He said and after that they lapsed into silence.

When they went to bed that night, Jaime planned on going straight to sleep. He didn't want to rush things for them too much. Of course they could hardly be any more rushed than they already were since they were married now. Still, perhaps it would be best to not encourage her illusions. He would give them both time to figure out how they really felt.

Jaime was nearly asleep when he felt Sansa's movement on the bed. She was moving closer to him. Maybe she thought he was asleep. She curled up next to him and lay her head on his chest. Her wet tears were falling on his skin and her body was wracked with silent sobs.

"Sansa?" He said quietly.

She jumped, startled to find he was awake. "I'm sorry my lord, I…" She pulled away from him and made to go back to her own side of the bed.

"It's alright. You don't have to leave." He turned slightly towards her and opened his arms.

She hesitated for a moment, then she moved closer, allowing him to embrace her. He held her and rubbed her back comfortingly while she wept, sometimes kissing away her tears. He didn't ask her why she wept. It wasn't hard to guess why. She had plenty of reasons to be crying. And she had plenty of reasons not to accept comfort from the likes of him and yet she was accepting it all the same. Eventually she relaxed and fell asleep in his arms.

Jaime awoke in the middle of the night for no particular reason. He was lying on his back and Sansa was sleeping half on top of him. One hand clung to his tunic and one leg was across his lap. He could see from the moonlight that streaked through the window that her face was tear stained. She was a woman full of contradictions he realized. So brave for the trial that could have meant her death, and yet so vulnerable that she was forced to seek comfort from an enemy of her house.

When they awoke in the morning Sansa was on her own side of the bed curled up facing away from him. He sat up to get dressed some minutes later and she must have felt his movement.

"Jaime?"

It was the first time she had called him by his first name and not Ser or Lord. "Yes Sansa?"

She turned towards him just slightly. "Thank you, for last night."

He hadn't expected that. "It was nothing Sansa."

"Not to me…" She said quietly.

Jaime reached over and squeezed her hand. "Then let me ask you something, what did you imagine was happening last night?"

"I didn't imagine...I think imagine may have been the wrong word for last night and the night before...it was more like...hope…" She said sadly.

"I have a little of that too." Jaime admitted.

For the first time in a very long time, Sansa found herself smiling.


End file.
